Our journey from “not for another five years” to hearing our baby cry for the first time.
Based on our true story
Dharshini and I got married in December 2021, right in the middle of the COVID era.
Anyone who planned a wedding during that period will probably remember what it was like. SOPs seemed to change almost every week, plans could change overnight, and even something as simple as gathering with family required careful thought.
After our wedding, we jokingly but quite seriously told our families:
“Please don’t disturb us about having children for the next five years.”
We thought we had a plan.
We had both worked hard to renovate our home. We had not really had the opportunity to travel overseas together as husband and wife. There were places we wanted to see, things we wanted to experience and time we wanted to spend just being the two of us.
Most importantly, we simply did not think we were ready to become parents.
Then came the end of January.
The Two Lines That Changed Our Plan
When Dharshini’s period was late, pregnancy was not the first thing that crossed our minds.
She had recently changed roles at work, so we thought perhaps it was stress. But as the days passed, we decided to take a pregnancy test.
And there it was.
Positive.
I still remember taking Dharshini to the gynaecologist to confirm the pregnancy. And then, during that appointment, I heard something I had never heard before.
Our baby's heartbeat.
There is something about hearing that tiny heartbeat for the first time that is difficult to put into words. Until then, pregnancy had been an idea. Suddenly, there was a little life growing inside my wife.
I could see that Dharshini was worried.
How were we going to bring a new life into this world when we didn't feel ready ourselves?
I, on the other hand, was strangely confident.
I kept telling her, “Nothing is going to change.”
Looking back now, that sentence makes me smile.
Everything was about to change.
Slowly Becoming Mum and Dad
The months went by, filled with check-ups and follow-up appointments at Thomson Hospital in Petaling Jaya.
Eventually, we found out the gender.
A baby boy.
We had initially imagined having a baby girl, but once you realise there is a little person growing and waiting to meet you, those expectations somehow become unimportant.
Boy or girl, this was our baby!
As first-time parents, we tried to prepare ourselves properly. We attended an antenatal class at Thomson.
Our class wasn't simply a short session. It ran over two days and covered many of the things new parents worry about: labour and delivery, pain-relief options such as epidural analgesia, breastfeeding, bathing a newborn, caring for a baby after birth, warning signs to look out for, insurance considerations, and prenatal and postnatal exercises.
We listened.
We learned.
We tried to remember everything.
At the time, you think, Okay, I know what to do now.
We would later discover that knowing something in a classroom and remembering it when your newborn is screaming at 2 a.m. are two very different things.
Buying Everything for the First Baby
As we got closer to the final months, we started preparing everything our son would need.
He was going to be the first grandchild on both sides of our family, so there weren't many baby items waiting to be handed down to us.
Almost everything felt like another thing we needed to buy.
Clothes. Feeding items. Sleeping essentials. Bathing items. A baby carrier. And plenty of things that, looking back, we probably didn't need as much as we thought we did.
We also bought some things second-hand.
And I'm not ashamed of that at all.
In fact, that experience taught me a lot about what parents genuinely need to buy new, what can safely be considered second-hand, and where new parents can avoid unnecessary spending. That's a story I hope to share separately.
As the delivery approached, Dharshini became increasingly nervous.
And I continued with my favourite sentence:
“Don't worry. Things will be the same.”
I really had no idea.
The Phone Call I Wasn't Expecting
Then came another moment I will never forget.
I was away in Singapore for training with ExxonMobil and when Dharshini contacted me after one of her appointments.
The doctors were concerned about the pregnancy and told her that the baby might need to be delivered earlier than we had expected.
I remember feeling confused.
I wasn't there beside her at that moment, and suddenly the timeline we had in our heads disappeared.
Everything became real very quickly.
At the hospital, the medical team began the process of trying to induce labour. Dharshini was given medication to help prepare her cervix for delivery. She went through the process twice, but labour was not progressing as hoped.
There were no strong contractions bringing our baby closer.
Eventually, we had another decision to make.
The doctors discussed trying again and the possibility of breaking the waters as part of the induction process. The other option presented to us was a Caesarean section.
A C-section was not something either of us had mentally prepared for.
But Dharshini didn't want to take unnecessary risks with our baby.
She chose to proceed with the C-section.
The Moment I Finally Broke Down
Until then, I think I had been trying to be the confident one.
I had spent months saying everything would be okay. I had convinced myself that I needed to remain calm.
But inside the operating theatre, something changed.
Seeing my wife there and understanding what she was going through to bring our child safely into the world overwhelmed me.
I couldn't hold back my tears.
The doctors, nurses and medical team at Thomson took care of Dharshini and our baby throughout the delivery.
Then, at exactly 5:10 p.m., I heard it.
A loud cry.
Pavan Sree Ram was born.
For months, we had prepared for a baby.
But suddenly there was an actual little human being in front of us.
Our son.
I didn't even know exactly what I was supposed to feel.
Happiness? Relief? Fear?
Probably all three.
And while everyone was celebrating the arrival of our baby, I was also looking at my wife still on the operating table, knowing that her procedure wasn't over yet.
That moment changed the way I understood childbirth.
A baby had been born.
But a mother had gone through something enormous to bring him into this world.
Then Reality Arrived
Later, back in the room, Dharshini was exhausted.
She needed help getting to the bathroom. The effects of the procedure and medication made her nauseous, and she vomited. She was uncomfortable and in pain.
I helped clean her up as best as I could and got her settled back into bed.
I was exhausted too.
After the induction attempts, waiting throughout the day and finally going through the delivery, neither of us had really slept properly.
Our son was being looked after by the paediatric nursing team, so for a brief moment I thought I could finally close my eyes.
Then the ward door opened.
And I heard a very familiar loud cry.
Our baby was hungry.
Suddenly, all those antenatal classes seemed to disappear from our heads.
What do we do now?
We had attended the classes.
We had listened to the breastfeeding lesson.
We had prepared.
But there we were two exhausted new parents staring at our crying baby and suddenly feeling as though we knew absolutely nothing.
Thankfully, the lactation team guided us through those first feeds.
And slowly, one feed at a time, we started learning again.
Not from a presentation.
Not from a class.
But from our baby.
Even the Car Seat Suddenly Felt Complicated?
After four nights in the hospital, it was finally time to take Pavan home.
I had bought the baby car seat beforehand.
I had even tried fitting it before the delivery.
I thought I knew how it worked.
But standing there with a newborn baby waiting to go home, suddenly I wasn't confident about anything.
Was it fitted correctly?
Was the baby positioned properly?
Was I doing this safely?
Something I had practised before suddenly felt completely unfamiliar.
That experience stayed with me because it taught me something important:
Panic and exhaustion can make you forget things you thought you knew.
Preparing for a baby isn't only about buying the right products or attending the right classes. Sometimes it means practicing the simple things repeatedly installing the car seat correctly, knowing where your essentials are, understanding who to call for help so that when you're tired and overwhelmed, you aren't trying to figure everything out for the first time.
So, Will You Ever Be Ready?
Before Pavan was born, Dharshini kept asking whether we were ready.
I kept telling her that nothing would change.
I was very wrong.
Parenthood changed our routines, our priorities, our relationship, our sleep, our finances and even the way we looked at our own parents.
But perhaps the biggest lesson was this:
Being ready to become a parent doesn't mean knowing exactly what to do.
You can attend the classes.
You can read the books.
You can buy everything on the checklist.
You can prepare the nursery.
And when your baby finally arrives, you may still look at each other and think:
“What are we supposed to do now?”
And maybe that's normal.
Because we didn't become confident parents the moment Pavan was born at 5:10 p.m.
We became parents by learning.
By making mistakes.
By asking for help.
By taking turns when one of us was exhausted.
By worrying about things that later seemed small.
And by waking up the next morning and trying again.
If you're expecting your first child and wondering whether you're truly ready, I can't tell you that everything will be easy.
It wasn't for us.
But I can tell you this:
You don't need to have everything figured out before your baby arrives. Sometimes, you grow into parenthood at the same time your baby grows into the world.
And for Dharshini and me, bringing Pavan home was only the beginning.
Our story didn't end at the hospital doors.
There was much more we were completely unprepared for.